The VFD Diaries
by bttf4444
Summary: A series of diary entries pertaining to moments in the lives of the ASOUE characters.
1. A Pivotal Event

_November 20, 1979  
8:30 PM PST_

Dear Diary,

I, Jerome Arthur Squalor, can hardly believe that I am one day away from tying the knot. The oddest thing of all is, I just met my fiance today. Her name is Esme, who is both a banker and an actress. She seems nice enough, but I never thought that I was her type. After all, I've never had much luck with women.

You see, when I was younger, I had a crush on a girl named Lorraine Baines. She was about the same age as me, and she always treated me quite decently. Still, when it came down to the nitty-gritty, I just was not her type. She knew that I didn't like to argue - and she always said that she wanted a man who can stand up for himself, and protect the woman that he loves.

Since then, she has married Rupert Quagmire - who happens to be my second cousin. However, I never knew him all that well - even though he seems to be a nice enough guy. The last time I heard from either of them, they had a set of triplets - and the girl took after their mother.

Sigh! Sometimes, I wonder if Lorraine still thinks of me. For that matter, I wonder what Rupert thinks of me. As I said, he seems to be a nice guy - but I sure can't help wondering if he thinks me a coward. I suppose I should put those thoughts aside. They do seem to be a happily married couple - and I myself am a day away from marriage.

I then think of Lemony Snicket. He is the younger brother of my best friend, Jacques. Speaking of Jacques, I just wrote to him - and I'm sure that he'll be happy to hear the good news.

Anyway, about Lemony, he seems like a nice enough person - but he always really seems to be sad. I mean, Jacques and Kit are not exactly the most optimistic people in the world - but Lemony... Well, I really have not seen him be truly happy for over fourteen years.

Perhaps, it must be because Beatrice had actually written him a _book_ - explaining why she couldn't marry him. Yes, I meant a _book_. It was several hundred pages long, and I imagine that it would be very heartbreaking to anyone. I always thought Beatrice was a nice enough person, so I'm not sure why she... I understand that The Daily Punctilio did not paint a very innocent picture of Lemony, shortly after he was fired. Still, I always took her to be a level-headed person who doesn't take much stock in what sensational newspapers say. I swear, within the last fifteen years, The Daily Punctilio has deteriorated in quality. I just don't understand how anyone can take that newspaper seriously.

Well, I hope I don't get cold feet. Tomorrow, Esme and I are going to have our wedding at the Vineyard of Fragrant Grapes - which is a very charming place. I hope they remember that I am not fond of either The Anxious Clown or Cafe Salmonella. I quite prefer the Veritable French Diner, where they serve up delicious beef French dips, with au juice. In fact, that was where Esme and I had met. I never took Esme as someone to like foreign food, so I was a little surprised to see her.

I glance around my penthouse apartment, and I began to feel a little nervous. What if she doesn't like my penthouse? It is quite easy for one to get lost, as they are several hundred rooms. In fact, I myself don't use most of the rooms. However, it would be plenty of room for throwing a party - if only I had more friends.

For now, I suppose I should be hitting the sack. However, I just don't feel as if I can sleep. I could maybe spend a few hours at the Very Funky Disco. However, I don't much care for disco. As one of my favourite singers, Bob Seger, sings - today's music just doesn't have the same soul.

The last thing I would like to do is stand Esme up, tomorrow. It's as if my luck is beginning to improve. At the age of 41 years old, I would like to think that I still have a good future ahead of me.

I wonder what my father thinks of Esme. My father, Reginald, has always been a bit outspoken - and he was real close to his cousin, Arthur McFly. Dad often told me that I was like Arthur, who also never liked to argue. I wonder how he and I would've gotten along. Unfortunately, at the age of twelve, Arthur met a tragic fate - as he actually fell into Lake Lachrymose, and the Lachrymose leeches had devoured him.

Arthur's older sister, Alice, married Theodore Quagmire. I don't know either of them, that well - but I certainly imagine that Alice misses her brother, terribly. I still miss my mom, from when she died twelve years ago. At least, Dad is still alive - and I just hope he'll like Esme. If Esme is receptive to having any children, I can imagine that Dad will be happy with the prospect of becoming a grandfather. I hope to make Dad proud of me. I know he regrets having fought so much with Mom, when she was still alive. That is even more reason for why I really will never like arguing. My mother, born Sylvia Larson, was a sweet woman - and I always loved her fruit soup, which is a Swedish dish.

Well, I guess I really should get to bed - and tomorrow will come by, much sooner. I just hope I don't think my meeting Esme was all a dream, when I wake up. Well, to make certain, I should just place my letter from the Vineyard of Fragrant Grapes beside my bed. It will be a very exciting day, for certain.

With due respect,  
Jerome Arthur Squalor


	2. Doc the Guardian

_December 31, 1983  
11:00 PM PST_

Dear Diary,

This has been a very eventful year for me, Dr. Emmett L Brown - or, as the children that I act as a guardian for call me, "Doc". I've been sharing my mansion with seven children for over half a year, now. I am a guardian, as well as a scientist and inventor. It's probably about the closest to having children as I'll ever get.

The children are all very well-behaved - so I haven't had to act as disciplinarian, too often. Of course, when I consider what all the children had to endure - I could never bring myself to be overly harsh or strict with them.

The Baudelaire children - Violet, Klaus, and Sunny - seem to have gotten the worst deal. They were shuffled from one incompetent guardian to another - while their first guardian, Count Olaf, kept chasing after them. The banker who was in charge of their affairs, Mr. Arthur Poe, was more than a little unhelpful. It seemed as if Mr. Poe cared a lot more about his financial career than about the welfare of orphans.

Also living with me are the Quagmire triplets: Quigley, Duncan, and Isadora. Their grandmother, Stella Baines, lives here in Hill Valley - but her health conditions prevent her from acting as their guardian. After having been separated several times, the Baudelaires and Quagmires had requested that they'd be allowed to live together - which the court had granted to them.

Then there is Beatrice Baudelaire, who is not really related to the other Baudelaires - but had lived a year on the island with them. Both of her parents, Dewey Denouement and Kit Snicket, are deceased - so she is also living with us.

Even though I had never before met the Baudelaire children, I am related to them - certainly more so than that dreadful Count Olaf was. My father, Herschel Von Braun, had a younger brother named Klaus - who grew to marry an Italian girl, named Louisa Martini. The two of them ended up having a son, who they named Luigi.

After Luigi grew up - he married an English girl, named Violet Smith. Luigi opted to take on Violet's last name. Soon afterward, they had a daughter - who they named Beatrice.

After Beatrice grew up, she married Bertrand Baudelaire - and that was when Violet, Klaus, and Sunny came from. That would make me their first cousin twice removed.

The thing is, Mr. Poe had never contacted me - even though I would've been happy to have custody of the Baudelaire children. If Count Olaf had tried coming to me in disguise, I would have definitely believed the Baudelaire children - and then called the police to arrest Count Olaf.

I guess there's no sense in dwelling over what-could've-been, since the past cannot be changed. While I do have plans underway to build a time machine, it would only allow for astral travel. Even if physical time travel was possible, there would be too many risks to the space-time continuum by changing the past - however much as I may want to.

Fortunately, the Baudelaires had made things up with one of their former guardians - one Jerome Squalor, who I actually taught in my third grade class. He and his wife, Kathy Strauss Squalor, have also moved to Hill Valley - and both have been doing their part to amend for how they had failed the children.

I was sickened and repulsed, when I had learned that Count Olaf had tried to force Violet's hand in marriage. It felt quite ecstatic, when I learned that Justice Squalor had successfully passed a legislation forbidding guardians from forcing their charges into marrying them.

Being a member of the Volunteer Fire Department myself, I have been acutely aware of the schism that occurred back in 1965, and I have heard of the notorious Count Olaf. I am very glad that the repugnant reprobate is now dead.

While the Baudelaires were, indeed, responsible for the Hotel Denouement fire - I understand that desperate situations had called for desperate measures. It's very hard to feel anything but sympathy for them.

At any rate, I certainly am welcoming a new year with the seven children - and, while they had endured a lot of trials, they have been very resourceful and clever. They really have exemplified the one adage that I have always been a firm believer of. If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

Now, it is almost time for me to greet the year 1984 with seven of my closest friends.

Yours scientifically,  
Dr. Emmett Lathrop Brown


	3. Odd One Out?

_November 1, 1984  
10:30 PM PST_

Dear Diary,

This is very special day for me, Jennifer Jane Parker. You see, it's been exactly one year since Duncan Lawrence Quagmire and me started dating. He is a very sweet and caring person, and I can't imagine myself being with anyone else. So I guess it's only fitting that I'm starting a new diary on this special day.

Duncan's triplet brother, Quigley, looks exactly like him - but, while I do consider him to be a close friend, I don't have the same feelings for him. It's probably a good thing, in fact - since he's already dating Violet Baudelaire.

I actually consider Violet - along with Duncan's triplet sister, Isadora - to be my closest friends. Then there is also Klaus, Violet's sister. While Klaus is one year younger than me, and Violet is one year older, we are all in the same grade.

Then there is Violet and Klaus' little sister, Sunny - who is only four years old. Then, rounding out the group is Beatrice Baudelaire, who the other Baudelaires pretty much adopted as their sister.

The whole group is living with Dr. Emmett Brown, the local scientist and inventor - who we all call "Doc". While some people in town, such as Mr. Strickland and Count Biff, consider him to be a "crackpot" or a "lunatic" - Doc is actually a very decent person. He is distantly related to the Baudelaires, and he has been a very good guardian to everyone.

Even though everyone has been very accepting of me, though - I cannot help but feel like the odd one out. You see, I'm the only one in the group who is not super-rich or super-intelligent. While Duncan has always assured me that I was the only girl for him, and I have no reason to doubt him - I sometimes cannot help but feel as if I'm way too much out of his league.

It's not like I'm dumb, or anything - and I am interested in psychology, and am striving towards the career of a child psychologist. When I think of the tragedies that the Quagmires and Baudelaires had endured, my heart really goes out to them. I would like to be able to help children who may feel as if they have no one else to turn to.

Also, I'm not terribly poor - although I've nothing against the poor, and I've even done my part to help out the needy. But I sometimes worry that people might assume that I'm some sort of gold digger, just because I'm dating someone who is much richer than me.

Duncan and I do have a lot in common, though. We both have pretty much the same musical tastes, and like everything from soft rock to heavy metal - and we're also big on Italian and Mexican food. Most importantly, though, is the way they we feel a special connection for each other.

None of the Quagmires and Baudelaires are snobs, in spite of being born into prosperity. Although, granted, I have not met them prior to their series of unfortunate events - but none of then seem like that type of people. Even though Jerome Squalor's ex-wife, Esme, was like that.

Jerome and his current wife, Kathy, were friends of the Baudelaires from during their series of unfortunate events - and they adopted a girl named Friday, who is such a sweetheart. They also have a biological son, named Bertrand. They had moved to Hill Valley at around the same time as the Baudelaires and Quagmires did.

While my father was, initially, a little leery of me associating with people who were much wealthier than us - he quickly grew to be accepting of them, especially after hearing about about all the trials that they had endured. My mother actually started crying, when she heard the story - and I couldn't blame her, since I also sympathized with my friends.

I realize how fortunate I am to have both of my parents alive, as I really don't think I could have even survived what my friends, especially the Baudelaires, went through. They all most certainly are troopers. I do have a lot of respect and admiration for them all.

Indeed, having met the lot has really changed the way that I view life - and I guess I should try to get over my insecurities of feeling like I'm out of their league. They never indicated that they felt that way about me - so I guess I shouldn't, either.

Well, it's time for me to head off to bed - and then, tomorrow, Duncan was going to take me to Francesca's Italian Diner. So I have that to look forward to.

Yours sincerely,  
Jennifer Jane Parker


	4. Living the Family Life

_April 20, 1985  
7:30 PM PST_

Dear Diary,_  
_

Today is my tenth birthday, and one of my birthday presents was this diary book - which my adoptive mother bought for me. I never kept a diary before, so this will be my first ever entry.

Well, my name is Friday Lauren Caliban - and my adoptive parents are Jerome Squalor and Kathy Strauss Squalor. I have been living with them for about three years, now.

I also have a baby brother, named Bertrand Jacques Squalor - who is a very cute baby. He is just learning to walk, as well as talk. His first word was, believe it or not, "zeppelin". I guess it's because I talk about my favourite band, Led Zeppelin, a lot - and, I must admit, I do get a kick out of hearing him say that word.

For the first seven years of my life, I was quite sheltered - and I did not have a lot of do. While there are a few things that I miss about the island, I am much happier with my new life. One of the greatest things I have discovered was rock music - which, at first, scared me a little. However, it's soon become my favourite type of music. My parents also say that I spend a little too much time at the arcade, but video games do help to stimulate my mind. As it is, it's hard for me to imagine returning to life on the island.

Even though I do love my adoptive parents - I do also miss my biological mother, Miranda. She died from being infected by the Medusoid Mycelium fungus - and, while she wasn't perfect, she did love me. In the end, she insisted that I eat the apple - so that I might survive. Granted, she probably had no idea how I would survive without her - but I'm sure everything she did she thought was best for me. Sometimes, I do still cry - when I think of how much I miss her.

Just shortly before leaving the island, I met the Baudelaires - who I felt very sorry for. After all, they had gone through so much heartbreak and danger - I realize that, compared to what they had to endure, my life on the island really wasn't so bad.

I'm happy that the Baudelaires - along with their close friends, the Quagmires - decided to move to Hill Valley with my adoptive parents. Even though Sunny and Bea are a lot younger than me, they are both very adorable - and I have noticed that Bea and Bertie have taken such a fancy for each other.

One of my favourite activities is eating, but I don't care too much for sweets - unlike most other kids my age. Since sweets was pretty much the only thing I ate on the island, I've pretty much been ruined for sweets forever. I prefer to eat food that is warm and savoury. I don't mind having sweet and tangy marinara sauce on my pasta dishes and pizzas, which I actually really love - but that's not the same thing as eating something that's 100% sweet.

With that considered, my parents did insist on having a cake for my birthday - and I did eat one slice, but without the frosting. My friends don't understand why I'm not crazy about cake, but they also have not had the experience that I had for the first seven years of my life.

Back when I lived on the island, eating sure felt something like a chore for me - but all that has changed, since I met my adoptive parents.

While most of Sunny Baudelaire's friends are not even allowed to be near the stove, I love much of what Sunny cooks - and I do firmly believe that she will grow up to become a fine chef. From time to time, she does go on the radio to give recipes that she's created. I am a firm believer in reincarnation, and I bet she was a great chef in her previous life. Anyway, I really do admire her.

I do feel as if I have a lot to live for. I also know not to take my life for granted, especially as I consider what the Baudelaires and Quagmires had endured - and my parents, especially my mom, is doing her part to reduce the amount of evil in the world. My mom is a fine judge, even if she did make some some mistakes - and let the Baudelaires down. But the Baudelaires had forgiven her, and she had forgiven them for the drastic actions that they had to take - including the burning of the Hotel Denouement - so they're back on good terms with each other.

Well, it is now almost my bedtime - and I do hope to make the next year of my life a good one. Sometimes, I have nightmares of our mansion burning down - but my parents had assured me that we do have a security system set up. I'm also happy that my bedroom is on the first floor, with a window to the outside.

My tomorrow be another good day.

With due respect,  
Friday Lauren Caliban


	5. The Day The VFD Died

_January 16, 1999  
4:30 PM PST_

Dear Diary,

My name is Beatrice Kit Baudelaire, and I am almost seventeen years old. I suppose it's only fitting that I'm starting my new diary. Gee, so much has happened within the past week - and I have so many mixed emotions going through my head.

Long story short, the Volunteer Fire Department - or VFD, for short - is no more. That's right. The organization that has lasted for centuries has come to an end.

I'm sitting here at Anxious Clown Restaurant, and Larry has just served me. You see, he owned this restaurant for a little over 25 years - and he played a vital role on the good side of the VFD. In fact, this is just one of a chain of restaurants that is owned by the volunteer side of the VFD - or _was_, prior to today. One habit of Larry's that has annoyed many people, including my non-VFD friends, is his tendency to say "I didn't realize this was a sad occasion". Since the VFD has now officially dissolved, though - he will no longer need to say that.

I'm munching on a Cheer-Up Cheeseburger - with extra ketchup and mustard - and some fries. Being pumped over the speakers is the entirety of Led Zeppelin's Houses of the Holy album - which has to be about my favourite album by the band. I especially love Over the Hills and Far Away - and, sometimes, the song even makes me cry. It's just a very beautiful song. Also, some say that the food here is bad - but, in actuality, it's probably really no worse than the food you get at McDonald's. After all, as maligned is McDonald's is, it still remains being a popular burger joint. Besides, the root beer floats they serve at The Anxious Clown actually aren't that half bad. Under normal circumstances, I might even be enjoying myself.

As it stands, though - I'm barely paying attention to the food or the music, as I just have so much on my mind. Last week, the two culprits who were responsible for the VFD schism have both died - which, I presume, will weaken the villainous side. After all, they are already low in number.

Of course, I can't help but feel a little guilty over feeling relieved by someone's death - but, let's face it, there were no redeeming values in The Man With A Beard But No Hair or The Woman With Hair But No Beard.

You see, TMWABBNH and TWWHBNB had decided to burn down Lucky Smells Lumbermill. Even though it was a very unpleasant experience for my adoptive siblings, when they worked at the mill - things really turned around, when Charles sued Sir, and took complete ownership of the mill. Almost immediately, there was a drastic improvement of the work conditions - and those who worked there finally weren't made to feel like slaves.

Anyway, within time, the Lucky Smells Lumbermill served an important purpose to the VFD - the volunteer side, that is. As the hoodlums rode off, the police immediately began to tail them. As such, the hoodlums then began to drive very fast - as the police ended up chasing them through Lousy Lane, where the stench of horseradish was very strong. Suddenly, due to them not watching where they were going, they drove down a ditch. Before long, the car landed in Lake Lachrymose. As the two quickly climbed out of their car, the Lachrymose leeches immediately attacked them - as the hoodlums were munching on potato chips along the way. Needless to say, the hoodlums have finally met their demise.

Violet and Klaus can tell you all about Lake Lachrymose, as they lost one of caregivers there. Her name was Josephine Anwhistle, who was the sister-in-law to Gregor Anwhistle of Anwhistle Aquatics. Apparently, she had two defining traits - her fixation with proper grammar, and her numerous fears. She was one very strange woman, indeed.

Anyway, getting back to the present, I have mixed feelings with regard to the VFD being no more. For over ten years - even fifteen, perhaps - there were disagreements amongst the remaining volunteers over whether or not the VFD was worth preserving. After all, the burning of the Hotel Denouement in early 1982 had considerably weakened the VFD from an already fragile state. Even though the fire was Sunny's idea, she is really not to be blamed - and, besides, she doesn't even remember the event. She's almost nineteen years old, now - and she was only about two, back then.

Although, when you think about it. It shouldn't be too surprising. You see, back in 1948, TMWABBNH and TWWHBNB had grown disgruntled with the organization - and, as such, they began to turn other disgruntled VFD members against the organization. By 1965, the rogues had grown large enough to become a threat - and, by April of that year, the VFD schism was then officially recognized. As previously mentioned, the Hotel Denouement fire occurred in 1982. Each of the events occurred seventeen years apart - so, as such, I shouldn't be too surprised to see that the demise of the VFD would occur in 1999.

Anyway, I don't feel much for ice cream. I'd better get going, as I had promised to meet Quigley and Violet at the Vineyard of Fragrant Grapes. Even though the VFD is probably not worth preserving, I still feel a little sad about it. I guess it's because it was such a huge part of my life.

At least, the _other_ VFD - rock band Very Fine Dudes - are still together and currently on tour. I hope to catch them in concert, this summer.

Wait, did I just hear Larry say to a couple sitting at a table near me "I didn't realize this was a sad occasion"? I turn my head, and I see that the young woman has tears streaming down her cheeks. I guess, this time, Larry meant it in the most literal sense - and, now, I hear him recommending the Cheer-up Cheeseburgers to them.

Well, I suppose this is my cue to leave. I just wonder what will happen from here. Tonight, I really should give Uncle Lemony a call. If only I could do anything to make him not feel so sad.

With due respect,  
Beatrice Kit Baudelaire


	6. Reconstruction of The VFD

_June 9, 2000  
5:30 PM PDT_

Dear Diary,

It's interesting that I'm starting my new diary book, tonight. This will be a big night for me, Bertrand Jacques Squalor - as I plan on attending the Pantera show with my lovely girlfriend, Beatrice Kit Baudelaire. My older adoptive sister, Friday Lauren Caliban, is also planning to attend. Even though neither of my parents care much for loud music, they're still hoping that we all have a good time - which I am certain we will.

However, it's not just Pantera and heavy metal that I have on my mind. I also can't stop thinking about the VFD - and I don't mean the rock band Very Fine Dudes, even though I am also a fan of them. I mean, the Volunteer Fire Department - which is the centuries-long organization that has dissolved early last year.

At least, at the time, we figured that it would be the end of the VFD - and, now that the sinister duo (The Man With a Beard But No Hair and The Woman With Hair But No Beard) has met their end in Lake Lachrymose, the villainous side are about as defunct as dinosaurs are extinct. However, after about a month, many of the remaining volunteers got together - and they decided, instead, to reconstruct the organization. Bea and I, along with Friday, agreed that it was a good idea - along with the other Baudelaires and the Quagmires.

For starters, the organization is no longer kept a secret - and any future members will be true volunteers. In other words, they no longer can be snatched away from their families - which Bea and I are completely in favour of. Of course, the fact that the VFD is now public knowledge means that it will change the way many people view history. A few of the older volunteers are writing books to detail the history of the organization.

Of course, a lot of companies have spawned from the VFD proper at various times. There was a whole village called the Village of Fowl Devotees - which was quite ancient in their ways, to say the least. Granted, they were formed back in the 17th Century. However, due to a major revolt, the village had met their end. Then there is Volunteers Fighting Disease, which was formed by a group of beatniks who had the radical idea that medicine was useless - which most all doctors and scientists disagree with.

Then there are the Veritable French Diner, Valorous Farms Dairy, Voluntary Fish Domestication, and even Very Funky Disco (which was very popular during the 1970s). Then there is Vineyard of Fragrant Grapes, which would sometimes call itself Vineyard of Fragrant Drapes. Granted, not everyone who worked for those corporations were volunteers - and the Valorous Farms Dairy, where the legendary Lemony Snicket was born, had burnt down.

Then, as previously mentioned, there is the rock band Very Fine Dudes - and I just recently found out that the lead guitarist and the bassist from the band are volunteers, although the drummer doesn't appear to be. That being said, I still have yet to meet any of the members.

Granted, some of the former volunteers had elected not to be a part of the new VFD - in which I can't really blame them. I mean, the younger ones especially grew up in a very weakened VFD that was constantly at odds with the villainous side. I can quite imagine that, even during the 1970s - which was after the schism was recognized, but before the Hotel Denouement fire - the neophytes felt as if they were forced to fight a losing battle. In the end, some of these young people really grew to become psychologically messed up - and a few have even turned to drugs and drinking. Fortunately, some of the older volunteers have opted to study psychology - and, therefore, are able to council the troubled youth.

Sometimes, I am amazed by how Bea and I ended up being mostly unscathed by the whole thing - and are, in fact, even excited to be volunteering for the reconstructed VFD. I tend to feel for Sunny, though - who often feels guilty for being party to the Hotel Denouement Fire. She was just barely two, at the time - and she doesn't even remember the series of unfortunate events - and, at the time, the elder Baudelaires were in very dire circumstances. In fact, I don't know of anyone who holds Sunny or her elder siblings responsible for that.

In a way, I feel lucky that I was not born until late 1983. In fact, I don't think I was even conceived until after the dreadful Count Olaf died. I guess Bea herself is also quite lucky, even though her mother died giving birth to her - and her father died before she was born. She considers Quigley and Violet Quagmire to be her parents. Although, Bea acts more as an aunt to young Emily and Rupert. Rupert is just a few days shy of being two - and Emily will be turning three, later this year. The children are just so cute, and I guess I see myself as being sort of an uncle-figure to them.

Duncan and Jennifer Quagmire also have a son, who they named Theodore. Teddy and Rupert do look so much alike, they could pass as twins. Then Klaus and Isadora Baudelaire have a daughter, who they named Lorraine. Lorrie and Emily are very close, even though they don't look much alike.

Well, Bea is here - and the last thing we want to do is miss the Pantera show, tonight. Then, tomorrow, we decided to show up at the VFD meeting for lunch. We don't want to miss that, since they always serve good food at their meetings. Besides that, I am quite optimistic about the future.

With due respect,  
Bertrand Jacques Squalor


	7. Making Amends

_July 24, 1982  
4:00 PM PDT_

Dear Diary,

This is has been a very eventful year for me, Katherine Theresa Strauss. Some wonderful things have happened, such as me falling in love with Jerome Squalor. It's hard to believe that we are only one week away from tying the knot. We will also be adopting a little girl, named Friday Caliban. Friday is currently in the care of Jerome, as she is learning to adapt to society. After all, she spent the first seven years of her life on an island - possibly even the same island that the Baudelaire children and Count Olaf headed off to.

Which brings me to the bad. I feel guilty for having failed the Baudelaires. Everyday, I wonder if they are doing fine - or if Olaf has managed to kill them. While I had always known Olaf to be a very unpleasant man, I never realized that he was as evil as he had shown himself to be. I would not be surprised if Olaf was even the one to have burnt down the Baudelaire mansion.

I should have suspected something, when Olaf had offered me the role of judge in a play - and had asked me to do all the lines in the same way as a real judge would. And I actually _am_ a real judge. I had no idea that the play was some nefarious front for Count Olaf to marry Violet Baudelaire, who was only fourteen. I also recalled how troubled Violet was, before the play - and I had assumed that she just had a case of stage fright.

Also, not realizing that my elders were the infamous sinister duo that were responsible for causing a schism min the Volunteer Fire Department, I kept telling them the whereabouts of the Baudelaire children - which was how Count Olaf managed to keep finding them. I still feel so bad, as I think of how I let myself be duped by them.

Thankfully, the justice system is quickly being restored to the proper order - as the sinister duo have been relieved of their position. I am in a process of getting a few new laws passed, myself.

First off, I plan to have it made illegal to marry another person under false pretenses - and both partners will have to consent to the union of their own free will. Any failure to do so will result in the marriage being annulled.

Minors will also no longer be allowed to marry, period. If people have to wait until they are eighteen to vote, enlist in the military, or receive any inheritance - then the same should also apply to marriage. We already have eighteen established as the age of consent, with a two year window - so, at least, that reason alone should have rendered Olaf's marriage to Violet null. It is rather unfortunate that we had a loophole that allowed guardian to give consent for their charges to marry, even to _them_.

Last of all, judges will never be allowed to play the role of a judge. Not in a movie, not in a TV show, and not in a play. As the case with Olaf and Violet proved, that leaves too much room for abuse. I would still like to act, but I'd be perfectly content to stick with non-judge roles.

It may take some time to get these laws legislated, but it's the least that I could do to make things up to the Baudelaires. If I ever see them, again - I found enough evidence to clear the Baudelaires' name, and indict Olaf for once and for all.

Jerome should be here, shortly. He also feels as if he had failed the Baudelaires, in several ways - so we are united in our desire to make things right for them, if Olaf hasn't killed them. I have half a mind to ask Friday if she really knows anything about the Baudelaires - but, of course, that would be silly. She is only a little girl - and, therefore, she would likely have no knowledge of them. Plus, she already went through a lot - with losing her mother. I really would like to give her a hug, right now.

Sometimes, I can't help but worry that I might end up losing Jerome. After all, I had bad luck with losing two significant others. The first had died of cancer, while the second had committed suicide. I still cry, sometimes - when I think of them. I just hope that Jerome and I will be together, for a long time.

In addition to adopting Friday, I also hope to have at least one child together with Jerome. I had always wanted to be a mother - and I felt bad, when the Baudelaires were not allowed to live with me. I really do hope to see then, again.

Granted, Sunny did bite my hand hard - when I tried to prevent the Baudelaires and Olaf from escaping. However, I understand the desperation that they must've felt - and I guess I did handle the situation badly. So, of course, I can forgive Sunny for biting my hand. The question is, though, will _they_ forgive _me_? If they are still alive, I wonder what they're thinking about me - or if they ever think about me.

It's amazing to think of how I had survived the hotel fire. Indeed, I have a lot to be thankful for. I just hope that the Baudelaires will be able to have some semblance of a normal life. Perhaps, they could even live with Jerome and me. We both would be very happy to have them around. But, of course, that's if they want to be with us.

Well, it's almost time for the big date. I hope everything goes fine, and I'm wishing for a good future for us. Now, if only the Baudelaires can also be as lucky.

With due respect,  
Katherine Theresa Strauss


End file.
